Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Back to Work I Go

I officially went back to work yesterday. It was... weird. I don't have any better description of the whole day, other than it was weird. It was kind of like I was a high school student on summer break - most people were the same when I returned, but I did have a few new faces to learn. I got to catch up with everyone by talking about what they did over the summer, and what's new with Rusty and me. Just weird.

The most common question of the day was, "How is Rylan?" followed by, "How are you?" and concluded with, "How is daycare going?" Rylan is wonderful. I'm as good as I can be, all things considered, and daycare is going great.

We started daycare a week ago, Tuesday, so that both Rylan and I would have the opportunity to adjust rather than suffering an abrupt jump into the cold waters of reality. On Tuesday and Wednesday, Rylan went to daycare for half days. He did great, and I did better than expected. On Thursday and Friday, he went most of the day. This past Monday was his first full day. I have to say I've done so much better than I thought I would, but not perfect.

Sunday night was my breakdown. I was feeding Rylan at bedtime, and afterwards I just rocked with him for a few minutes. I explained to him that I had to go back to work this week, and that it wasn't because I didn't love him or anything goofy like that. In fact, I told him it was so that he could have a bigger and brighter future. I told him how much I love him, and how much of a joy he has been in these short 12 weeks. (This is where my tears started...)

Rylan and I haven't been apart, you see, in about 50 weeks. When you consider the approximate 38 weeks I was pregnant, plus the past 12 weeks of my leave, we've been partners in crime. Knowing that his starting daycare and my going back to work was the point at which that changed broke my heart. What I realized shortly after all of this, though, is that it broke my heart for the happier. I fell in an even deeper love with my sweet little boy. Each day, I'm so thankful for my little miracle, and I hug him a little tighter and a little longer.

I can't help but compare all of this to the Texas Giant. After waiting for so long, it was finally time for Rylan to arrive. These first few weeks were a rough, uphill battle as we learned how to be parents and survived the sleepless nights (and initial health concerns). It's also been a mixture of emotions (excitement, fear, angst) for not knowing what's over the hill. Right now, we're sitting just at the peak of the hill, and I know we're about to begin the most thrilling part as Rylan really starts developing and coming into his personality. Along the way, there will be twists, turns, bumps and headaches, but these will be so far outweighed by the laughs, thrills, shrills and memories we make. The one thing that is a million times better than the Texas Giant is that there will be one of those little cameras capturing everything we do, rather than at just one spot. When the day comes that certain memories start to fade, or when we want to have fun looking at the past, we'll be able to quickly pull out our photos to remember where we've been. Even as I sit here writing this, I'm just grinning from ear to ear, overflowing with love for Rylan and thinking about all that's yet to come.

I'm so excited for the journey ahead, which I know includes my being at work and Rylan in daycare right now. We're constantly praying that if this isn't what's meant to be for us, God will show us the way to what is. I know 100% that we'll be where we need to be, when we need to be there. Let the journey begin!



The Dubs said...

People told me this, and I didn't believe it, but it's does get easier. You get into a routine, and that new routine becomes the norm. Hang in there!

Courtney said...

I don't usually post comments...but I just had to tell you that you had me in tears reading your post! I'm so happy for you & Rusty and I cannot wait until we are blessed to share that kind of love with our baby.

Mommarazzi said...

So sweet!